"OVERCOMING INTIMIDATION"
There are two ways of looking at intimidation; one from the viewpoint of the intimidator and the other from the viewpoint of the one who is being intimidated. Naturally speaking, we’ve all felt intimidation when we’ve had to deal with a superior at work or in public. And, generally, the times we feel most intimidated are when we perceive that someone around us is that quote “superior” person, who is more accomplished, more intelligent, more beautiful, more poised, wealthier, and such things.
Now, I have no claim whatsoever to be an authority in the area of psychology. But, practically speaking, some people, the intimidators, choose to browbeat and strong-arm others. And surprisingly, some have learned this method of dealing with people at home with a younger sibling.
The most obvious in today’s world might be those who are referred to as bullies. Bullies are intimidators. They use whatever is at their disposal to hurt or to make themselves feel good while someone else feels and appears smaller. And they are found in more places than at school. They are often found in the workplace. By the way, intimidation is taught as an art and a skill and it is touted as a leadership skill in our modern world as well. [Found on www.purpleduckgames.com].
And, as is often the case, many intimidators have a need to compensate for an internal lack which they overcome by dominating people in the workplace.
The intimidator here in this third chapter is a military leader by the name of Abner. And the one he intimidates is the King over Israel. His name is Ishbosheth. Let’s see if there aren’t some specific lessons for each of us as we consider God’s Word today. II Samuel 3:6 “And it came to pass, while there was war between the house of Saul and the house of David, that Abner made himself strong for the house of Saul. (7) And Saul had a concubine, whose name was Rizpah, the daughter of Aiah: and Ishbosheth said to Abner, Wherefore hast thou gone in unto my father's concubine? (8) Then was Abner very wroth for the words of Ishbosheth, and said, Am I a dog's head, which against Judah do show kindness this day unto the house of Saul thy father, to his brethren, and to his friends, and have not delivered thee into the hand of David, that thou chargest me to day with a fault concerning this woman? (9) So do God to Abner, and more also, except, as the LORD hath sworn to David, even so I do to him; (10) To translate the kingdom from the house of Saul, and to set up the throne of David over Israel and over Judah, from Dan even to Beersheba. (11) And he could not answer Abner a word again, because he feared him.”
Here’s the concept. It’s found in verse eleven, where, notice, God is describing for us the inner thoughts and attitude of Ishbosheth towards this man Abner. God, Who reads every heart, simply says “because he feared him.” Now, did you see who’s intimidating who here? Abner, general in the army, is keeping Ishbosheth in compliance. Well, why would the King of Israel fear his General? Look back with me at II Samuel chapter two and verse eight. It begins “But Abner…” You see, David has already been declared King. But he is only king over a portion of the Jewish tribes, actually two.
II Samuel 2:8 “But Abner the son of Ner, captain of Saul's host, took Ishbosheth the son of Saul, and brought him over to Mahanaim; (9) And made him king over Gilead, and over the Ashurites, and over Jezreel, and over Ephraim, and over Benjamin, and over all Israel.”
Here’s how it came down, so-to-speak. Abner had been the general in Israel when King Saul was alive. And, for years it had been evident that Saul despised David and did all he could to kill him. And all the while Saul (and most everyone else) knew that God had been preparing David to follow him as king on the throne of Israel. Yet, once King Saul has been slain in battle, Abner decides to fill the vacuum. He steps up to the plate, proceeds to place a crown on the head of Ishbosheth, one of Saul’s sons, and simply declares him king.
I’d like show you what the Bible teaches on this matter of intimidation as illustrated in the lives of Abner and Ishbosheth.
First, look at this matter from a spiritual viewpoint. Oftentimes, part of the reason someone becomes an intimidator is because they have made the decision to defy God or to reject His plain will in some way. Actually intimidation may thrive in a setting where God’s will and God’s ways have been rejected. In this case, it’s very clear that both Abner and Ishbosheth has rejected God’s clear plan. Now, Ishbosheth is king. So, shouldn’t he be the quote “superior” one in this setting? Look at II Samuel 3:7 and see why Abner chose to intimidate Ishbosheth that day. (7) “And Saul had a concubine, whose name was Rizpah, the daughter of Aiah: and Ishbosheth said to Abner, Wherefore hast thou gone in unto my father's concubine? (8) Then was Abner very wroth for the words of Ishbosheth, and said, Am I a dog's head, which against Judah do show kindness this day unto the house of Saul thy father, to his brethren, and to his friends, and have not delivered thee into the hand of David, that thou chargest me to day with a fault concerning this woman?”
And yes, oftentimes, not always, but oftentimes, behind intimidation stands immorality. Obviously this is not a pretty scene. But life often isn’t pretty. And, you can be sure, since the Bible is the Word of God, that God will simply tell the truth about what is happening.Here’s the very ugly situation. Abner has taken one of the concubines of his former king, King Saul, and his decision to do this is known by everyone.
When Ishbosheth discovers it, he appears to be offended and speaks up, verse seven. “Wherefore (why) have gone in unto my father’s concubine?” Now, let me know this very clear. The Bible no where condones the practice of concubinism. It’s always been a moral perversion. What it really is is this. It’s an immoral reaction to and rejection of God’s plan for the home and the family. God’s plan from the beginning was for one man to marry one woman for life. But concubinism is distinguished from adultery as follows: Adultery is defined as a married person having a physical relationship with someone other than your spouse. A concubine is a woman who is not married to a man, yet, she lives with him as though she were his wife.
As you know, both adultery and concubinism go contrary to the teachings of Scripture. Yet, often men in the Bible had concubines contrary to the word of the LORD. And, by the way, every immoral relationship between a man and woman outside the bounds of marriage is condemned in Scripture.
Here’s one passage to show you God’s attitude towards this. Proverbs 7:1 “My son, keep my words, and lay up my commandments with thee. (2) Keep my commandments, and live; and my law as the apple of thine eye. (3) Bind them upon thy fingers, write them upon the table of thine heart. (4) Say unto wisdom, Thou art my sister; and call understanding thy kinswoman: (5) That they may keep thee from the strange woman, from the stranger which flattereth with her words. (6) For at the window of my house I looked through my casement, (7) And beheld among the simple ones, I discerned among the youths, a young man void of understanding, (8) Passing through the street near her corner; and he went the way to her house, (9) “In the twilight, in the evening, in the black and dark night: (10) And, behold, there met him a woman with the attire of an harlot, and subtle of heart. (11) (She is loud and stubborn; her feet abide not in her house: (12) Now is she without, now in the streets, and lieth in wait at every corner.) (13) So she caught him, and kissed him, and with an impudent face said unto him, (14) I have peace offerings with me; this day have I payed my vows. (15) Therefore came I forth to meet thee, diligently to seek thy face, and I have found thee. (16) I have decked my bed with coverings of tapestry, with carved works, with fine linen of Egypt. (17) I have perfumed my bed with myrrh, aloes, and cinnamon. (18)Come, let us take our fill of love until the morning: let us solace ourselves with loves. (19) For the goodman is not at home, he is gone a long journey: (20) He hath taken a bag of money with him, and will come home at the day appointed.
(21) With her much fair speech she caused him to yield, with the flattering of her lips she forced him. (22) He goeth after her straightway, as an ox goeth to the slaughter, or as a fool to the correction of the stocks; (23) Till a dart strike through his liver; as a bird hasteth to the snare, and knoweth not that it is for his life. (24) Hearken unto me now therefore, O ye children, and attend to the words of my mouth. (25) Let not thine heart decline to her ways, go not astray in her paths. (26) For she hath cast down many wounded: yea, many strong men have been slain by her. (27) Her house is the way to hell, going down to the chambers of death.”
Whenever a woman chooses immorality, whatever the type, she chooses to reject God’s plan. Whenever a man chooses immorality, whatever the type, he also chooses to reject God’s plan.
And God’s attitude to this kind of immorality is this. Verse twenty-two. (22) “He goeth after her straightway, as an ox goeth to the slaughter, or as a fool to the correction of the stocks; (23) Till a dart strike through his liver; as a bird hasteth to the snare, and knoweth not that it is for his life.”
Wouldn’t you say that God’s word pictures are quite vivid? And from your own experience with people caught in this trap, you can certainly see that God’s word is absolutely true. “As an ox goes to the slaughter” is another way of saying that a man becomes like an unconscious steer on his way to the slaughterhouse. He has no idea what’s going to happen when you get into that building. Yet, he lets himself be led there anyway. [Found in Keil & Delitsch Vol. 6 p. 168].
“The correction of the stocks.” The word picture here implies that he’s like a criminal who hands himself over to the sheriff and to the loss of freedom and honor and into bondage and shame. [Found in Keil & Delitsch Vol. 6 p. 169].
“Till a dart strike through his liver” refers to the damage done to him both emotionally and physically. He is totally oblivious to the danger of sleeping with a woman that does not belong to him. In the end, he suffers tremendously for his sin.
And “as a bird hastens to the snare.” It’s the picture of a bird hurrying to a tempting snare. He is blind. All he can see is what will satisfy him at the moment without realizing that it’s his life that is at stake here. That’s just one passage dealing with immorality. There are plenty more.
1. We need to see the matter from a spiritual viewpoint. Abner was the man who had made Ishbosheth king over Israel.
2. Intimidators aren’t usually teachable and generally won’t back down when corrected. He or she will want to make sure you don’t quote “tell him what to do.” Consider this. With this public sin of immorality being committed by Abner, King Ishbosheth brings the subject up to him. Now, it’s possible that Ishbosheth did this, not to correct him for his immorality, but, as everyone in the Eastern culture would have known, to take one of former King Saul’s concubines was to, in essence, let it be known that you intended to become the next King. [Found in Keil & Delitsch Vol. 2 p. 301].
And, as intimidators are prone to do, Abner changes the subject and proceeds to put his bullying pressure to work on Ishbosheth. Verse eight. “Am I a dog’s head? I’ve taken a stand against Judah. I’ve showed kindness to the family of King Saul against David. I’ve not delivered you to King David. Don’t charge me with a fault. God do so and more to me if I don’t simply give over the entire Kingdom into David’s hand.”Have you ever noticed how often people change the gravity of a situation by putting the focus on something else?
1. See the matter from a spiritual viewpoint.
2 Intimidators aren’t usually teachable and they generally won’t back down when corrected. Abner simply sees Ishbosheth’s words as a personal offence. Again, word pictures tell you a lot of what is in the mind of the speaker. Abner takes Ishbosheth’s words to imply that he’s “a dog’s head.” “Do you see me as the lowest possible human being? Are you calling me a dog?” And Ishbosheth could have simply said “Yes, you are a dog.” Instead he is afraid of Abner.
3. An intimidator is always ready to defend himself while he or she threatens you. He needs to feel as though he’s in charge. Here is, as you can easily see, intimidation at its finest. Abner has no problem making Ishbosheth feel that he is inferior to him. Isn’t that the way of the intimidator? Isn’t that the goal of an intimidator?
“If I didn’t do thus and so, you’d be out on your head in a matter of minutes.” Abner is quite full of himself, isn’t he? He knows he’s good and he wants Ishbosheth to see just how good he really is.
Look at how he instills terror into his opponent? Verse eight again. (8) “Then was Abner very wroth for the words of Ishbosheth, and said, Am I a dog's head, which against Judah do show kindness this day unto the house of Saul thy father, to his brethren, and to his friends, and have not delivered thee into the hand of David, that thou chargest me to day with a fault concerning this woman?
(9) "So do God to Abner, and more also, except, as the LORD hath sworn to David, even so I do to him; (10) To translate the kingdom from the house of Saul, and to set up the throne of David over Israel and over Judah, from Dan even to Beersheba. (11) And he could not answer Abner a word again, because he feared him.” Again, can you see that Abner knows how to get his opponent to back down?
It’s easy for the intimidator, by the force of his personality and his words, to hold something over your head. In this case, he threatens Ishbosheth with taking the entire kingdom of Israel and handing it over to David. You can see that an intimidator is not afraid. But, once he’s confronted, he will often look for a way to make himself look good.
4. You often find in an intimidator is one who works behind the scenes to force things to his advantage without any regard for the people or the truth. Look at this quick acting domineering man, verse twelve. The very next thing he does is to go see David. II Samuel 3:12 “And Abner sent messengers to David on his behalf, saying, Whose is the land? saying also, Make thy league with me, and, behold, my hand shall be with thee, to bring about all Israel unto thee.” Talk about a two-faced man. Here’s the intimidator at work; undermining one while leveraging himself into the good graces of another. By the way, read through the entire book of II Samuel and see how well things go for Abner after sending this message to King David.
Now, folks, the story in front of us illustrates the ways of an intimidator. A child of God should not be an intimidator. But, sometimes you may have to respond to someone who has begun to intimidate you. What should you do if you’ve got one in your home or on your job? I’d like to conclude with just a few ideas that will help you to deal with him or her. Let’s imagine for just a minute that someone in your office intimidates you by interrupting you and unnecessarily piling a lot of work on you.
1. Commit yourself to the LORD. I Peter 4:19 says this “…commit the keeping of their souls to him in well doing, as unto a faithful Creator.” The LORD knows, not only the present situation. He also knows the hearts of all those involved.
2. Choose to not be afraid of them. Prov. 29:25 says this “The fear of man bringeth a snare: but whoso putteth his trust in the LORD shall be safe.”
3. Choose your words carefully and speak deliberately. Let him or her know that you can see through his intimidations.
4. Don’t shout or argue with him or her. Instead respond calmly and clearly. i.e. “Let’s talk about this once you’ve calmed down.” [found on www.jaymorrissey.com]
God’s ways have always been higher than man’s ways. And His goal for your life is that you become like the Ideal Man, His Son. So, know that, even when you have to deal with intimidator, you still must grow and develop into the man or woman He wants you to be, let Him have His way with you.
Here’s how the Apostle Peter puts it II Pet 3:18. “But grow in grace, and in the knowledge of our Lord and Saviour Jesus Christ. To him be glory both now and for ever. Amen.”
Now, it might be that you have never become one of His children. And, so you aren’t growing in grace and becoming like Christ. I’d like you to know that Jesus Christ came to the earth to die to pay the penalty for your sins. Today, if you will repent of your sins and put your trust on Christ for eternal life, you will immediately become a child of God. You will receive the gift of eternal life. Jesus said “I am the Way, the Truth, and the Life. No man cometh unto the Father, but by Me.” “God so loved the world that He gave His only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in Him should not perish, but have everlasting life.” It’s your sin that separates you from Him. Here’s what He says about that.
Why not right now pray the salvation prayer? Here’s that wonderful prayer. “I admit to You that I am a sinner and deserve Your justice for my sins. I now see that you are a God of grace and that by grace I can be saved. Here is a simple and a wonderful salvation prayer. You only need to pray it once and the LORD forgives you forever and you become His child. “I admit to You that I am a sinner and deserve Your justice for my sins. I now see that you are a God of grace and that by grace I can be saved. Please forgive me of my sins. I receive Jesus Your Son as my Savior and LORD. Amen”
Now, I have no claim whatsoever to be an authority in the area of psychology. But, practically speaking, some people, the intimidators, choose to browbeat and strong-arm others. And surprisingly, some have learned this method of dealing with people at home with a younger sibling.
The most obvious in today’s world might be those who are referred to as bullies. Bullies are intimidators. They use whatever is at their disposal to hurt or to make themselves feel good while someone else feels and appears smaller. And they are found in more places than at school. They are often found in the workplace. By the way, intimidation is taught as an art and a skill and it is touted as a leadership skill in our modern world as well. [Found on www.purpleduckgames.com].
And, as is often the case, many intimidators have a need to compensate for an internal lack which they overcome by dominating people in the workplace.
The intimidator here in this third chapter is a military leader by the name of Abner. And the one he intimidates is the King over Israel. His name is Ishbosheth. Let’s see if there aren’t some specific lessons for each of us as we consider God’s Word today. II Samuel 3:6 “And it came to pass, while there was war between the house of Saul and the house of David, that Abner made himself strong for the house of Saul. (7) And Saul had a concubine, whose name was Rizpah, the daughter of Aiah: and Ishbosheth said to Abner, Wherefore hast thou gone in unto my father's concubine? (8) Then was Abner very wroth for the words of Ishbosheth, and said, Am I a dog's head, which against Judah do show kindness this day unto the house of Saul thy father, to his brethren, and to his friends, and have not delivered thee into the hand of David, that thou chargest me to day with a fault concerning this woman? (9) So do God to Abner, and more also, except, as the LORD hath sworn to David, even so I do to him; (10) To translate the kingdom from the house of Saul, and to set up the throne of David over Israel and over Judah, from Dan even to Beersheba. (11) And he could not answer Abner a word again, because he feared him.”
Here’s the concept. It’s found in verse eleven, where, notice, God is describing for us the inner thoughts and attitude of Ishbosheth towards this man Abner. God, Who reads every heart, simply says “because he feared him.” Now, did you see who’s intimidating who here? Abner, general in the army, is keeping Ishbosheth in compliance. Well, why would the King of Israel fear his General? Look back with me at II Samuel chapter two and verse eight. It begins “But Abner…” You see, David has already been declared King. But he is only king over a portion of the Jewish tribes, actually two.
II Samuel 2:8 “But Abner the son of Ner, captain of Saul's host, took Ishbosheth the son of Saul, and brought him over to Mahanaim; (9) And made him king over Gilead, and over the Ashurites, and over Jezreel, and over Ephraim, and over Benjamin, and over all Israel.”
Here’s how it came down, so-to-speak. Abner had been the general in Israel when King Saul was alive. And, for years it had been evident that Saul despised David and did all he could to kill him. And all the while Saul (and most everyone else) knew that God had been preparing David to follow him as king on the throne of Israel. Yet, once King Saul has been slain in battle, Abner decides to fill the vacuum. He steps up to the plate, proceeds to place a crown on the head of Ishbosheth, one of Saul’s sons, and simply declares him king.
I’d like show you what the Bible teaches on this matter of intimidation as illustrated in the lives of Abner and Ishbosheth.
First, look at this matter from a spiritual viewpoint. Oftentimes, part of the reason someone becomes an intimidator is because they have made the decision to defy God or to reject His plain will in some way. Actually intimidation may thrive in a setting where God’s will and God’s ways have been rejected. In this case, it’s very clear that both Abner and Ishbosheth has rejected God’s clear plan. Now, Ishbosheth is king. So, shouldn’t he be the quote “superior” one in this setting? Look at II Samuel 3:7 and see why Abner chose to intimidate Ishbosheth that day. (7) “And Saul had a concubine, whose name was Rizpah, the daughter of Aiah: and Ishbosheth said to Abner, Wherefore hast thou gone in unto my father's concubine? (8) Then was Abner very wroth for the words of Ishbosheth, and said, Am I a dog's head, which against Judah do show kindness this day unto the house of Saul thy father, to his brethren, and to his friends, and have not delivered thee into the hand of David, that thou chargest me to day with a fault concerning this woman?”
And yes, oftentimes, not always, but oftentimes, behind intimidation stands immorality. Obviously this is not a pretty scene. But life often isn’t pretty. And, you can be sure, since the Bible is the Word of God, that God will simply tell the truth about what is happening.Here’s the very ugly situation. Abner has taken one of the concubines of his former king, King Saul, and his decision to do this is known by everyone.
When Ishbosheth discovers it, he appears to be offended and speaks up, verse seven. “Wherefore (why) have gone in unto my father’s concubine?” Now, let me know this very clear. The Bible no where condones the practice of concubinism. It’s always been a moral perversion. What it really is is this. It’s an immoral reaction to and rejection of God’s plan for the home and the family. God’s plan from the beginning was for one man to marry one woman for life. But concubinism is distinguished from adultery as follows: Adultery is defined as a married person having a physical relationship with someone other than your spouse. A concubine is a woman who is not married to a man, yet, she lives with him as though she were his wife.
As you know, both adultery and concubinism go contrary to the teachings of Scripture. Yet, often men in the Bible had concubines contrary to the word of the LORD. And, by the way, every immoral relationship between a man and woman outside the bounds of marriage is condemned in Scripture.
Here’s one passage to show you God’s attitude towards this. Proverbs 7:1 “My son, keep my words, and lay up my commandments with thee. (2) Keep my commandments, and live; and my law as the apple of thine eye. (3) Bind them upon thy fingers, write them upon the table of thine heart. (4) Say unto wisdom, Thou art my sister; and call understanding thy kinswoman: (5) That they may keep thee from the strange woman, from the stranger which flattereth with her words. (6) For at the window of my house I looked through my casement, (7) And beheld among the simple ones, I discerned among the youths, a young man void of understanding, (8) Passing through the street near her corner; and he went the way to her house, (9) “In the twilight, in the evening, in the black and dark night: (10) And, behold, there met him a woman with the attire of an harlot, and subtle of heart. (11) (She is loud and stubborn; her feet abide not in her house: (12) Now is she without, now in the streets, and lieth in wait at every corner.) (13) So she caught him, and kissed him, and with an impudent face said unto him, (14) I have peace offerings with me; this day have I payed my vows. (15) Therefore came I forth to meet thee, diligently to seek thy face, and I have found thee. (16) I have decked my bed with coverings of tapestry, with carved works, with fine linen of Egypt. (17) I have perfumed my bed with myrrh, aloes, and cinnamon. (18)Come, let us take our fill of love until the morning: let us solace ourselves with loves. (19) For the goodman is not at home, he is gone a long journey: (20) He hath taken a bag of money with him, and will come home at the day appointed.
(21) With her much fair speech she caused him to yield, with the flattering of her lips she forced him. (22) He goeth after her straightway, as an ox goeth to the slaughter, or as a fool to the correction of the stocks; (23) Till a dart strike through his liver; as a bird hasteth to the snare, and knoweth not that it is for his life. (24) Hearken unto me now therefore, O ye children, and attend to the words of my mouth. (25) Let not thine heart decline to her ways, go not astray in her paths. (26) For she hath cast down many wounded: yea, many strong men have been slain by her. (27) Her house is the way to hell, going down to the chambers of death.”
Whenever a woman chooses immorality, whatever the type, she chooses to reject God’s plan. Whenever a man chooses immorality, whatever the type, he also chooses to reject God’s plan.
And God’s attitude to this kind of immorality is this. Verse twenty-two. (22) “He goeth after her straightway, as an ox goeth to the slaughter, or as a fool to the correction of the stocks; (23) Till a dart strike through his liver; as a bird hasteth to the snare, and knoweth not that it is for his life.”
Wouldn’t you say that God’s word pictures are quite vivid? And from your own experience with people caught in this trap, you can certainly see that God’s word is absolutely true. “As an ox goes to the slaughter” is another way of saying that a man becomes like an unconscious steer on his way to the slaughterhouse. He has no idea what’s going to happen when you get into that building. Yet, he lets himself be led there anyway. [Found in Keil & Delitsch Vol. 6 p. 168].
“The correction of the stocks.” The word picture here implies that he’s like a criminal who hands himself over to the sheriff and to the loss of freedom and honor and into bondage and shame. [Found in Keil & Delitsch Vol. 6 p. 169].
“Till a dart strike through his liver” refers to the damage done to him both emotionally and physically. He is totally oblivious to the danger of sleeping with a woman that does not belong to him. In the end, he suffers tremendously for his sin.
And “as a bird hastens to the snare.” It’s the picture of a bird hurrying to a tempting snare. He is blind. All he can see is what will satisfy him at the moment without realizing that it’s his life that is at stake here. That’s just one passage dealing with immorality. There are plenty more.
1. We need to see the matter from a spiritual viewpoint. Abner was the man who had made Ishbosheth king over Israel.
2. Intimidators aren’t usually teachable and generally won’t back down when corrected. He or she will want to make sure you don’t quote “tell him what to do.” Consider this. With this public sin of immorality being committed by Abner, King Ishbosheth brings the subject up to him. Now, it’s possible that Ishbosheth did this, not to correct him for his immorality, but, as everyone in the Eastern culture would have known, to take one of former King Saul’s concubines was to, in essence, let it be known that you intended to become the next King. [Found in Keil & Delitsch Vol. 2 p. 301].
And, as intimidators are prone to do, Abner changes the subject and proceeds to put his bullying pressure to work on Ishbosheth. Verse eight. “Am I a dog’s head? I’ve taken a stand against Judah. I’ve showed kindness to the family of King Saul against David. I’ve not delivered you to King David. Don’t charge me with a fault. God do so and more to me if I don’t simply give over the entire Kingdom into David’s hand.”Have you ever noticed how often people change the gravity of a situation by putting the focus on something else?
1. See the matter from a spiritual viewpoint.
2 Intimidators aren’t usually teachable and they generally won’t back down when corrected. Abner simply sees Ishbosheth’s words as a personal offence. Again, word pictures tell you a lot of what is in the mind of the speaker. Abner takes Ishbosheth’s words to imply that he’s “a dog’s head.” “Do you see me as the lowest possible human being? Are you calling me a dog?” And Ishbosheth could have simply said “Yes, you are a dog.” Instead he is afraid of Abner.
3. An intimidator is always ready to defend himself while he or she threatens you. He needs to feel as though he’s in charge. Here is, as you can easily see, intimidation at its finest. Abner has no problem making Ishbosheth feel that he is inferior to him. Isn’t that the way of the intimidator? Isn’t that the goal of an intimidator?
“If I didn’t do thus and so, you’d be out on your head in a matter of minutes.” Abner is quite full of himself, isn’t he? He knows he’s good and he wants Ishbosheth to see just how good he really is.
Look at how he instills terror into his opponent? Verse eight again. (8) “Then was Abner very wroth for the words of Ishbosheth, and said, Am I a dog's head, which against Judah do show kindness this day unto the house of Saul thy father, to his brethren, and to his friends, and have not delivered thee into the hand of David, that thou chargest me to day with a fault concerning this woman?
(9) "So do God to Abner, and more also, except, as the LORD hath sworn to David, even so I do to him; (10) To translate the kingdom from the house of Saul, and to set up the throne of David over Israel and over Judah, from Dan even to Beersheba. (11) And he could not answer Abner a word again, because he feared him.” Again, can you see that Abner knows how to get his opponent to back down?
It’s easy for the intimidator, by the force of his personality and his words, to hold something over your head. In this case, he threatens Ishbosheth with taking the entire kingdom of Israel and handing it over to David. You can see that an intimidator is not afraid. But, once he’s confronted, he will often look for a way to make himself look good.
4. You often find in an intimidator is one who works behind the scenes to force things to his advantage without any regard for the people or the truth. Look at this quick acting domineering man, verse twelve. The very next thing he does is to go see David. II Samuel 3:12 “And Abner sent messengers to David on his behalf, saying, Whose is the land? saying also, Make thy league with me, and, behold, my hand shall be with thee, to bring about all Israel unto thee.” Talk about a two-faced man. Here’s the intimidator at work; undermining one while leveraging himself into the good graces of another. By the way, read through the entire book of II Samuel and see how well things go for Abner after sending this message to King David.
Now, folks, the story in front of us illustrates the ways of an intimidator. A child of God should not be an intimidator. But, sometimes you may have to respond to someone who has begun to intimidate you. What should you do if you’ve got one in your home or on your job? I’d like to conclude with just a few ideas that will help you to deal with him or her. Let’s imagine for just a minute that someone in your office intimidates you by interrupting you and unnecessarily piling a lot of work on you.
1. Commit yourself to the LORD. I Peter 4:19 says this “…commit the keeping of their souls to him in well doing, as unto a faithful Creator.” The LORD knows, not only the present situation. He also knows the hearts of all those involved.
2. Choose to not be afraid of them. Prov. 29:25 says this “The fear of man bringeth a snare: but whoso putteth his trust in the LORD shall be safe.”
3. Choose your words carefully and speak deliberately. Let him or her know that you can see through his intimidations.
4. Don’t shout or argue with him or her. Instead respond calmly and clearly. i.e. “Let’s talk about this once you’ve calmed down.” [found on www.jaymorrissey.com]
God’s ways have always been higher than man’s ways. And His goal for your life is that you become like the Ideal Man, His Son. So, know that, even when you have to deal with intimidator, you still must grow and develop into the man or woman He wants you to be, let Him have His way with you.
Here’s how the Apostle Peter puts it II Pet 3:18. “But grow in grace, and in the knowledge of our Lord and Saviour Jesus Christ. To him be glory both now and for ever. Amen.”
Now, it might be that you have never become one of His children. And, so you aren’t growing in grace and becoming like Christ. I’d like you to know that Jesus Christ came to the earth to die to pay the penalty for your sins. Today, if you will repent of your sins and put your trust on Christ for eternal life, you will immediately become a child of God. You will receive the gift of eternal life. Jesus said “I am the Way, the Truth, and the Life. No man cometh unto the Father, but by Me.” “God so loved the world that He gave His only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in Him should not perish, but have everlasting life.” It’s your sin that separates you from Him. Here’s what He says about that.
Why not right now pray the salvation prayer? Here’s that wonderful prayer. “I admit to You that I am a sinner and deserve Your justice for my sins. I now see that you are a God of grace and that by grace I can be saved. Here is a simple and a wonderful salvation prayer. You only need to pray it once and the LORD forgives you forever and you become His child. “I admit to You that I am a sinner and deserve Your justice for my sins. I now see that you are a God of grace and that by grace I can be saved. Please forgive me of my sins. I receive Jesus Your Son as my Savior and LORD. Amen”